$alvador
TD Member
What happens when your full grown Jindo suddenly dies? That was the predicament faced by friend Henry on Saturday evening when he called me in a panic.
Problem: The Seoul Metropolitan Office of Animal disposal wants a cold 250,000won to incinerate dead pets. This price varies from district to district. (I’ve heard that a similar service costs only 60,000 in Incheon). Furthermore, they can’t pickup the carcass until the following Monday. Big problem for a family living in a high-rise apartment.
I first suggest that Henry empty out his kimchi fridge and toss the carcass inside until Monday. Temperatures are projected to hit an average of 80 degrees Fahrenheit every day this week. At that temperature, a dog carcass will begin to deteriorate very quickly.
I suggest that he throw the carcass into a dumpster somewhere, and Henry asks me if I can come over and help with the lifting, later lending my car for the disposal transport. Dead dogs are just like dead people; they leak lots of fluids all over the place. Both of my parents were doctors and I was once told that hospitals have a vacuum-like device that they use the suck the shit out of dead bodies before they wrap them up and transport them. I veto Henry’s request to use my car, but head over anyway.
Upon arriving at the toy strewn apartment, I notice that Henry’s K-wife and kids have fled the place. According to Henry, they went to stay with their grandmother until Henry could “fix the problem“. The dead Jindo is laying on it’s side in an extra room that is used to store children’s toys. The dog’s body is rock-hard from the final stages of rigamortis. I ask Henry when the beast actually died, and he replies “It died Friday morning. Ji-young called the animal disposal people but they said they couldn’t come by until Monday, and wanted 250,000 won to pick up and cremate the dog, so she just hung up the phone. When I got home from work at 10:45 that night, it was too late to do anything about it. She took the kids and went to her mothers house, telling me to ‘deal with it’ and then call her when I’m finished.”
The dead Jindo’s legs are sticking out, frozen into place. I toss out a few ideas for disposal, but Henry shoots them all down.
-”Maybe we could cut it up into smaller pieces and transport it that way”
“Nah, too messy“.
-”Maybe we could pour petrol all over it, light it on fire and throw it out the window”
“Are you fucking insane? We’re on the 19th floor, it could kill someone below, we need to get it as far from here as possible. Plus why the fuck would we light it on fire!?” I thought that would be rather obvious, since it was night time. “So that we can see where it lands of course” Common sense.
I’m all out of ideas, but one thing is for certain; that fucking dog is definitely not going in my car. It’s going in the back seat of Henry’s BMW. I suggest we wrap it up in plastic, but Henry doesn’t have any plastic. We walk to E-mart. It’s now 11:30. E-mart doesn’t have any plastic rolls large enough to wrap a full grown male Jindo carcass. We look around for some cardboard boxes, but we can’t find a box big enough either.
We return to Henry’s apartment and wrap the carcass in a towel. The towel isn’t very big, so we decide to wrap the rear 3/4 of the carcass, because as predicted, it is leaking piss and shit all over the place. We wrap the dog up in a towel and tape it up with clear packaging tape. The dog’s head is sticking out the front end of the apparatus, and its blue tongue is hanging downwards.
A full grown Jindo can weight up to sixty pounds. We struggle to carry the dog carcass to the elevator. On the way down to the basement, we set the dog carcass on the floor of the elevator. We hope that none of Henry’s neighbors need to use the elevator. Of course, the elevator stops FOUR times on the way down. Luckily two of the stops were due to impatient button mashers who didn’t want to wait for a single elevator (god damn I love this country). An ajumma got in the elevator and just stared at the dog carcass without saying anything. The other passenger was a middle aged man who likewise kept his mouth shut. Four people and a dead Jindo riding the elevator at midnight.
We reach B4 and drag the carcass from the elevator. Having been caught on the elevator’s CCTV camera with a dog body in tow, we cannot dispose of the body in the dumpster outside of Henry’s building. The carcass smells awful and is still leaking when we load it into the trunk of Henry’s car. We determine that we will need to find a place with no CCTV cameras to dump the dog. This turns out to be harder than it sounds.
We try a few back alleys near restaurants but the street lamps are populated with CCTV cameras, as this area is famous for night time sexual assaults, usually by taxi drivers. I suggest we just throw the body into the E-mart dumpster, but the whole area is under constant CCTV surveillance. Since the dog body is in the trunk and not the back seat, we cannot dump the body mafia style with the car moving and one door open.
It is now past 1am and I’m ready to go home. “Fuck it, just stop here“. We stop outside of an elementary school. With no cameras visible, we drag the dog body out of the trunk. It hits the ground with a solid ‘thud’. “Where are we going to put it?” Henry asks. “We’re going to throw it over the fence and onto the school playground dude, let them deal with it!“. Henry seems apprehensive. “Don’t worry man, your kids don’t go to school here, do they?“ I try to ease his mind.
The fence surrounding the school is about nine feet high. I assume this is to keep out pedophiles and would-be burglars. There is a green screen-like material attached to the fence, kind of like those fences you see at construction sites. There appear to be a swing set and jungle gym directly on the other side of the fence but it’s hard to tell. Henry grabs the Jindo’s front legs and I wrap the towel around the rear legs to get a good grip. We swing the carcass back and forth a few times before flinging it up into the air.
In situations like this, trajectory is of the utmost importance. Unfortunately we didn’t get enough height on our first launch, and the dog body bounced off the green screen and hit the ground. THUMP! We put our backs into it the second time around and build up some momentum before catapulting the dead Jindo up into the air again. It comes down on the top of the fence and for a minute, it looks like it might fall back onto our side of the fence. Luckily gravity pulls the battered carcass onto the school’s playground, and we make a run for the car.
“What should I tell Ji-young and the kids?” he asks. “Just tell them the honest truth, that we drove around until we found a pet shop who would dispose of the body for a more reasonable 120,000won. Then when she gives you the money, you can use it to buy booze or a blowjob from a struggling university student.
He sits there looking as though he is seriously considering my suggestion. We stop at a gas station to wash our hands. There is silence for the rest of the ride home. “You might as well tell the wife and kids that you’ll handle the dog problem tomorrow. That will give you another day of peace and quiet“.
“I’ll drink to that” he replies.
- http://www.expathell.com
Problem: The Seoul Metropolitan Office of Animal disposal wants a cold 250,000won to incinerate dead pets. This price varies from district to district. (I’ve heard that a similar service costs only 60,000 in Incheon). Furthermore, they can’t pickup the carcass until the following Monday. Big problem for a family living in a high-rise apartment.
I first suggest that Henry empty out his kimchi fridge and toss the carcass inside until Monday. Temperatures are projected to hit an average of 80 degrees Fahrenheit every day this week. At that temperature, a dog carcass will begin to deteriorate very quickly.
I suggest that he throw the carcass into a dumpster somewhere, and Henry asks me if I can come over and help with the lifting, later lending my car for the disposal transport. Dead dogs are just like dead people; they leak lots of fluids all over the place. Both of my parents were doctors and I was once told that hospitals have a vacuum-like device that they use the suck the shit out of dead bodies before they wrap them up and transport them. I veto Henry’s request to use my car, but head over anyway.
Upon arriving at the toy strewn apartment, I notice that Henry’s K-wife and kids have fled the place. According to Henry, they went to stay with their grandmother until Henry could “fix the problem“. The dead Jindo is laying on it’s side in an extra room that is used to store children’s toys. The dog’s body is rock-hard from the final stages of rigamortis. I ask Henry when the beast actually died, and he replies “It died Friday morning. Ji-young called the animal disposal people but they said they couldn’t come by until Monday, and wanted 250,000 won to pick up and cremate the dog, so she just hung up the phone. When I got home from work at 10:45 that night, it was too late to do anything about it. She took the kids and went to her mothers house, telling me to ‘deal with it’ and then call her when I’m finished.”
The dead Jindo’s legs are sticking out, frozen into place. I toss out a few ideas for disposal, but Henry shoots them all down.
-”Maybe we could cut it up into smaller pieces and transport it that way”
“Nah, too messy“.
-”Maybe we could pour petrol all over it, light it on fire and throw it out the window”
“Are you fucking insane? We’re on the 19th floor, it could kill someone below, we need to get it as far from here as possible. Plus why the fuck would we light it on fire!?” I thought that would be rather obvious, since it was night time. “So that we can see where it lands of course” Common sense.
I’m all out of ideas, but one thing is for certain; that fucking dog is definitely not going in my car. It’s going in the back seat of Henry’s BMW. I suggest we wrap it up in plastic, but Henry doesn’t have any plastic. We walk to E-mart. It’s now 11:30. E-mart doesn’t have any plastic rolls large enough to wrap a full grown male Jindo carcass. We look around for some cardboard boxes, but we can’t find a box big enough either.
We return to Henry’s apartment and wrap the carcass in a towel. The towel isn’t very big, so we decide to wrap the rear 3/4 of the carcass, because as predicted, it is leaking piss and shit all over the place. We wrap the dog up in a towel and tape it up with clear packaging tape. The dog’s head is sticking out the front end of the apparatus, and its blue tongue is hanging downwards.
A full grown Jindo can weight up to sixty pounds. We struggle to carry the dog carcass to the elevator. On the way down to the basement, we set the dog carcass on the floor of the elevator. We hope that none of Henry’s neighbors need to use the elevator. Of course, the elevator stops FOUR times on the way down. Luckily two of the stops were due to impatient button mashers who didn’t want to wait for a single elevator (god damn I love this country). An ajumma got in the elevator and just stared at the dog carcass without saying anything. The other passenger was a middle aged man who likewise kept his mouth shut. Four people and a dead Jindo riding the elevator at midnight.
We reach B4 and drag the carcass from the elevator. Having been caught on the elevator’s CCTV camera with a dog body in tow, we cannot dispose of the body in the dumpster outside of Henry’s building. The carcass smells awful and is still leaking when we load it into the trunk of Henry’s car. We determine that we will need to find a place with no CCTV cameras to dump the dog. This turns out to be harder than it sounds.
We try a few back alleys near restaurants but the street lamps are populated with CCTV cameras, as this area is famous for night time sexual assaults, usually by taxi drivers. I suggest we just throw the body into the E-mart dumpster, but the whole area is under constant CCTV surveillance. Since the dog body is in the trunk and not the back seat, we cannot dump the body mafia style with the car moving and one door open.
It is now past 1am and I’m ready to go home. “Fuck it, just stop here“. We stop outside of an elementary school. With no cameras visible, we drag the dog body out of the trunk. It hits the ground with a solid ‘thud’. “Where are we going to put it?” Henry asks. “We’re going to throw it over the fence and onto the school playground dude, let them deal with it!“. Henry seems apprehensive. “Don’t worry man, your kids don’t go to school here, do they?“ I try to ease his mind.
The fence surrounding the school is about nine feet high. I assume this is to keep out pedophiles and would-be burglars. There is a green screen-like material attached to the fence, kind of like those fences you see at construction sites. There appear to be a swing set and jungle gym directly on the other side of the fence but it’s hard to tell. Henry grabs the Jindo’s front legs and I wrap the towel around the rear legs to get a good grip. We swing the carcass back and forth a few times before flinging it up into the air.
In situations like this, trajectory is of the utmost importance. Unfortunately we didn’t get enough height on our first launch, and the dog body bounced off the green screen and hit the ground. THUMP! We put our backs into it the second time around and build up some momentum before catapulting the dead Jindo up into the air again. It comes down on the top of the fence and for a minute, it looks like it might fall back onto our side of the fence. Luckily gravity pulls the battered carcass onto the school’s playground, and we make a run for the car.
“What should I tell Ji-young and the kids?” he asks. “Just tell them the honest truth, that we drove around until we found a pet shop who would dispose of the body for a more reasonable 120,000won. Then when she gives you the money, you can use it to buy booze or a blowjob from a struggling university student.
He sits there looking as though he is seriously considering my suggestion. We stop at a gas station to wash our hands. There is silence for the rest of the ride home. “You might as well tell the wife and kids that you’ll handle the dog problem tomorrow. That will give you another day of peace and quiet“.
“I’ll drink to that” he replies.
- http://www.expathell.com