The best thing about being a soccer referee....
- Thread starter Ghett0
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Ghett0
DARKLY Regular
"Rugby is a hooligan's game played by gentlemen, while football is a gentleman's game played by hooligans."
Can't blame you. Most footy players are scum. Even in Rec leagues, the depths to which they will sink to try to win meaningless games is pathetic.
I take great delight and satisfaction in letting them dig their own graves. If my experience has taught me anything, it is that those who whine, cry and attempt to cheat the most prosper the least. At least while I'm on the pitch. I won't even do them the dignity of carding them for their nonsense, as it will give them an excuse to complain even more and blame me for the result.
I just don't call anything for anyone who dives or tries to cheat me. When the score racks up to 7 - 1 or so (Because, when they can't get a rise out of you, they tend to quit and/or get so frustrated, they fail miserably) I consider the final scoreline the justice of the football Gods having spoken.
Ghett0
DARKLY Regular
If I am, I'm a poor one. lol I focus on reffing now. I will play the odd rec game but I mostly just ref.
OG buckshot jr
TD Admin
Oh what the fuck ever. Don't let the little faggoty Pepito's, Fernando's etc. from South America spoil your view of the game. Diving is rare now a days, and if does occur, 99% chance it's one of those idiots I mentioned above.
People have a tough time seeing football for what it is: a not-overly physical sports when it comes to pushing and shoving, that's beaitiful to play and watch. If you no like, fair enough, but I think calling footballers motherless bastards is an embarrassment to you and football. Check the story of Mario Balotelli and his Italian mother. You only see beauty like that in football.
Leroy
2012 Troll of the Year
You have got to be kidding me. I can't sit through a game 20 minutes and not watch the next coming of wussydom. When I go to the pub, I get them to change the channel if the footie is on, and when the sprinkly doo-dally footie players stand up to protest, I knock them in their raggedy ass moufs.
I'm being serious. I can't watch a game where a guy gets knocked down and stays down for 20 odd minutes. Here, for your fucking education.
Imma educate you next time I come over, sleep in your house, drink your fancy whiskey, and mingle with your beautiful ladies.
I'm being serious. I can't watch a game where a guy gets knocked down and stays down for 20 odd minutes. Here, for your fucking education.
Imma educate you next time I come over, sleep in your house, drink your fancy whiskey, and mingle with your beautiful ladies.
OG buckshot jr
TD Admin
So I see you've skipped over the point that football isn't a brutally physical sport. That's like a demolition racer attempting to race in Forumla One and saying, "What do you mean a 10 second penalty for bumping?" It's one thing if you dislike the sport, but it's another if you're just uneducated.
As for my house and women - fuck you, you're always welcome :)
As for my house and women - fuck you, you're always welcome :)
Ghett0
DARKLY Regular
We have the same rules about dissent, but most referees think that taking the stick from players is a sign of toughness. Personally, I don't put up with it, and I use the same line in various forms. "You let me worry about calling the game and you worry about playing it."
"I'm the one with the whistle. If you want to call the game, here you go." (this is where I drop my whistle and start to walk off the pitch) ....
" No? Maybe YOU want to call the game? No? How `bout you there coach. Do YOU want to call this game? OK. Now that we have established that I am the one who calls this game, let me remind you that it is your job to respect my decisions, not the other way around. Next one to question my decisions gets called for dissent. Period."
When and if I have to make this speech, I spend the next 5 minutes throwing the Laws at the players ruthlessly. It reminds them how little they understand the Laws of the game, and that my generosity and leniency is a privilege easily lost and sorely missed when it is gone. It sucks sometimes because, by nature, I don't WANT to be hard on rec league players, but officiating is no cake walk. You don't become a ref to make friends, and if you did, you're bound to be sorely disappointed.
Ghett0
DARKLY Regular
Clearly, you've never watched women play footy.
OG buckshot jr
TD Admin
I have, unfortunately. It's kind of like playing air hockey with tennis rackets. Womens sports suck man lol
HappySticks™
TD Admin
I am also a soccer referee and it really makes me mad when coaches think they are always right about every single call that doesn't go their way. Then it's even worse when a player wants to call the game for me and in my head I am thinking,
"Who here has the certification and is wearing the badge? If you want to call the game, then go take the ref class but until then don't tell me what's right and wrong."
I typically see this going on in the rec. leagues, sometimes during the game it's hard to forget about bad calls and what not, but you just have to do it and keep your composure as those coaches, parents and in the older ages/levels, players will eat you alive. The only reason why I actually still ref it is because I have a massive passion for the game of soccer and I enjoy doing it, it's also decent money, especially having no real job. But people that just do it for the money really don't continue to do it for very long and this applies to other jobs, as not very many people have fun working at/for a place that they hate.
I have had some bad experiences though with coaches where I needed to get out of there fast because of dumbass things. After reading about this ridiculous story http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/05/us/utah-soccer-death/ and the other part of the story http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/05/us/utah-soccer-death/index.html I have really very been cautious as to what I do and say. I don't ever see myself in this picture but I am sure the referee that died would have thought the same thing before his death.
My main goal however is becoming a professional soccer referee, maybe for MLS or a semi-professional league. I have a few years of experience and it would be amazing to travel all over the world to not only watch soccer, but referee it. (Not to mention everything is paid for travel, food, etc.)
But what refereeing has really taught me is in forcing rules and the regulations of the game and it has gone beyond that onto the Darkly servers. :)
"Who here has the certification and is wearing the badge? If you want to call the game, then go take the ref class but until then don't tell me what's right and wrong."
I typically see this going on in the rec. leagues, sometimes during the game it's hard to forget about bad calls and what not, but you just have to do it and keep your composure as those coaches, parents and in the older ages/levels, players will eat you alive. The only reason why I actually still ref it is because I have a massive passion for the game of soccer and I enjoy doing it, it's also decent money, especially having no real job. But people that just do it for the money really don't continue to do it for very long and this applies to other jobs, as not very many people have fun working at/for a place that they hate.
I have had some bad experiences though with coaches where I needed to get out of there fast because of dumbass things. After reading about this ridiculous story http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/05/us/utah-soccer-death/ and the other part of the story http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/05/us/utah-soccer-death/index.html I have really very been cautious as to what I do and say. I don't ever see myself in this picture but I am sure the referee that died would have thought the same thing before his death.
My main goal however is becoming a professional soccer referee, maybe for MLS or a semi-professional league. I have a few years of experience and it would be amazing to travel all over the world to not only watch soccer, but referee it. (Not to mention everything is paid for travel, food, etc.)
But what refereeing has really taught me is in forcing rules and the regulations of the game and it has gone beyond that onto the Darkly servers. :)
Ghett0
DARKLY Regular
You watching the wrong girls, bro. I enjoy watching and reffing women more because they compete. At the youth level, the boys are mostly looking to show off and chirp. They don't play that dirty, and when they do, it's pretty obvious.
The girls.... Well, I'll offer a few examples.
Rage..... I saw a girl take a slide tackle cleat to the side of the leg and not even notice because she couldn't be bothered to slow her run for a little ouchie. About a minute later, the ref (I was the AR in this match) sent her off because she was bleeding. She lost her shit and tossed the pinnie she was supposed to wear away in discussed and barely bit her lip fast enough to prevent herself from shouting out "FUCK!" as loud as she could. I'm a Rage Machine myself, and I know when the volcano is about to blow. This girl could care less that she was oozing blood, she was just pissed that she couldn't play the last 15 minutes of the game. Her trainer pissed her off even more by spending all this time cleaning the wound instead of just patching her up and sending her back out, which is what she wanted.
I told the trainer after the game "Just a tip, but for situations like the one that happened to your fullback, it pays to have some Krazy Glue in your kit. If someone gets a cut, you water it, cover it up with Crazy glue, wrap it, tape it, and she's back on in 30 seconds." Trainer told me "Well, I wanted to make sure it was disinfected first." (behind her back, I could see the still upset fullback rolling her eyes) Not wanting to press the idea, since technically it's not my place to make the suggestion, so I just said "Well, it's just an idea. I have family who work in manufacturing environments, and you can't stop the sawmill because someone gets a cut or a splinter, so that's what they use. The Krazy Glue clogs the wound and they worry about dressing it later." I got a "Thanks Ref" from the player for the tip, which is the greatest compliment you can ever get from players. Trust me, it's rare to receive, and even rarer for it to be genuine.
Sneakiness. Men are so obvious when they cheat, dive and complain, it's comical. The girls are FAR more sinister. The girls have been known to do all of the below:
- sneak elbows to the ribs / lungs when the win the ball on a side tackle to take the wind out of the other player.
- leave the leg out when they slide tackle so that if the opposing player doesn't jump it, they trip themselves. By the strictest law of hte game, this is perfectly legal if you won the ball cleanly and do not make an overt attempt to instigate the contact.
- Isolate girls who are on their period and elbow them in the gut on shoulder tackles knowing that not only will it aggravate their cramps, but might instigate increased blood flow.
- Goalkeepers who jump for balls and deliberately elbow, knee, or land on opposing strikers who get a bit too close for comfort inside the penalty area.
- Fight through challenges instead of going to ground for fouls.
- Get upset over calls
- CONTAIN THEIR ANGER despite being upset over calls. This is a huge disparity. I can't ref a boys match without at least a handful of protestations and what I call "Crying" from the players about the Who What When Where Why and How of the fouls. The girls get mad, but they bite their lip for the same reason they fight through challenges; they don't want to seem like pushovers or waifs in the eyes of their opponents, coaches, parents, refs, etc....
- Shake your hand and thank you sincerely at the end of the game, despite how it ended or calls you may have made against them
- Shake the opponents hand and show genuine sportsmanship, despite trying to murder each other on the pitch at times
- And, my personal favorite, I have never seen men knee other men in the gut like girls will in games. It doesn't happen OFTEN, but when some of the girls know they missed their tackle and they are going to get called for a foul, they go all in and bring a knee up into a girl's gut to drop her and take her wind out. Can't blame them either. If you're gonna see Yellow, then get your money's worth. Ironically enough, the girls will drop because they are winded, but they don't roll around and cry. When a girl cries on the pitch, it's because she's hurt. The ONLY time I ever saw a guy cry on the pitch was twice. Once was a dive, and I embarrassed that kid by making him do "The walk of shame" and leave the pitch for his "injury" which we both know he faked. The other was a kid who got kneed in the nuts by accident. He tried his hardest to choke it back, but a knee in the balls hurts, even when you're 11.
The guys on the other hand... all they do is bitch, complain, talk shit and try to lie to you to give them fouls. The more they bitch, the less they get.
At my last tournament, I saw 2 guys try to pull a fast one on me and they fell apart when it didn't work. First 2 minutes of the match, they were attacking the penalty area. They ran across me, with one guy trying to block my view while the other ran by a defender, Shouted EXTREMELY loud like he had just been shot, then spent 3 minutes rolling around on the pitch crying and carrying on, grasping his shin (although, he SUPPOSEDLY, got cleated and stepped on in the box. He forgets that I saw him taping up his pre-existing injury an hour previous. Geniuses, those soccer boys.)
So, while buddy is rolling around making a big deal and the defender looks at me saying with his eyes "I don't know what the hell this guy screamed for, but I was a good 3 feet away from him and not even running to step on his foot", the one who blocks me finally comes to me and puts his hand on my shoulder and says "It's a penalty, right?"
I give him what I call the "Dad look". I lower my head, look through the top of my head at him with my best "You have got to be fuckin kidding me? How stupid do I look to you?" face and said "No, it's a dropped ball. The injured player has to leave the field."
The two of them start bitching and complaining, screaming at me, saying I'm blind. The injured player was miraculously cured for about 3 seconds until, after noticing I noticed him walking on his "injured foot" just fine, he faked again with the "oooooooo aaaaahhhh Ahhhhh Ahhhhh" and his fake limp off the field because the Laws CLEARLY STATE that if play has to be stopped in order for a player to receive treatment, the player MUST leave the field to receive said treatment, play is to be resumed (barring a foul) with a dropped ball since there was no foul called on the play, and that the convention of sportsmanship dictates that the opposing team kicks the ball back to the team with the injured player as a show of respect, which they did without my instruction, surprisingly enough.
The irony is, that team TOTALLY quit the entire game after that call, and they got destroyed 7 - 1 as a result. They couldn't get past the idea that I wasn't going to hand out penalties like candy someone who would completely insult myself, the other team, and the game by faking an injury to win (this is the best part) A RECREATIONAL CHARITY TOURNAMENT!
How's that for the beautiful game for you? Bunch of fuckin morons.
Moral of the story?
Soccer playing men are, by and large, a bunch of lying cry baby pussies who would cheat their own mother for a throw in, while soccer playing women are some of the toughest girls you'll ever meet.
Which is why, if I ever get married, I'm only marrying a woman who plays or played soccer. If not, she's definitely not tough enough to survive dating a prick like me. :p
OG buckshot jr
TD Admin
I don't even want to read what you wrote. I've played since I was 4, reaching Canada's junior team before choosing education instead of the money-pit Canadian football turned out to be. I know how it is.
Ghett0
DARKLY Regular
I completely agree man. I love the game. I have been to Europe twice to watch my team bayern Munich play. My first Bayern match was the happiest day of my life and I'll never forget it. 3 - 1 in Lyon with a hat trick from my favorite player at the time, Ivica Olic. There are a lot of things that piss me off, mouthy players and even more, mouthy coaches. I tend to give players a bit more slack because they are in the game and you have to let them vent a little. After all, better for them to take it out on you than on another player.
Personally, I don't find it's harder to draw the line, but to cope with the emotional fall out after the game. While I'm on the pitch, I make a point to not be me, but to be "ref me". I'm sure this makes sense to you, because you can't be yourself on the pitch. You need to go in there with a plan that takes into consideration the awesome responsibility you have been given for that match.
There are a lot of times when I go home and I feel like shit not so much because of missed calls but because some people, be they players, coaches or whoever, just can't seem to wrap their head around that there is no grand conspiracy against them, their team or their kids. As a ref, you call what you see and you do what you think is best at the time. ESPECIALLY in games where I don't get assistants, which as a second year ref, is pretty much always unless I AM the assistant, I find there are some calls that you know you missed or had to guess at and people get mad at you. More often than not, they have a point, but you have to conduct yourself under the assumption of infallibility.
As the ref, you are always right, even when you're wrong because that's what the job demands. I continually tell people on FB, twitter and my blog that refereeing is FAR harder than being a player simply because Players make mistakes. That's why there are referees. The referee, however, is not ALLOWED to make mistakes, and sometimes, far too often, a mistake can cost you your life. I never thought I would have to do it at the level I am at, which is still just district and HOPEFULLY, regional next year, but I carry my stainless steel ruler in my ref bag now in case some fuckin idiot decides he wants to try to start shit after the game and I have to take his eye out or give him a nice scratch/slit to get him off me.
To this day, I have yet to do this, but I came REALLY fucking close to calling the police after a match this summer because the rec league players got so out of control, threatening each other and myself that I was sincerely worried that they would jump me in the parking lot on my way to the bus stop. THat's a shitty fuckin feeling and I wrote the administrator of the league and gave him the "Disaster report". In that report, I told him "IMO everyone in that game should be suspended from play for one week simply because they took things WAY farther than they needed to go. Given there were THREE REFEREES on those two teams, they ESPECIALLY should be fucking ashamed of themselves. I would expect better from a fellow ref, and if I ever saw my teammates acting that way I would either walk them off the pitch or just up and leave."
The sad thing is, in this league in particular, most of the refs are the worst dissenters and shit disturbers in the league. They think it's funny / revenge to be a pain the ref's ass, and I don't hitnk I'm going to ref for this league anymore, despite the fact that they pay fairly well and offer me a lot of work because their people just don't reflect the spirit of the game. Now, granted, some of these guys are players first and refs second, many of whom DON'T EVEN HAVE THE BADGE because they didn't get the training, they just jumped in the fire because it's not a sanctioned league.
It's a shame that these things happen, but at the same time, there are things that I have seen on the pitch that are just so beautiful it gives me hope for this toilet world that we live in. Things like little girls cheering one another after a game they played in 5 degrees and rain and then, as I am leavin the pitch, one of them remembers to ask "Hey ref, what was the score?"
It seems like nothing, but after you've been called every name in the book and cursed at, shit on and threatened by some rec league "all star" who's cock is so fuckin small that he can't go on living if he loses his rec league match, when a bunch of kids have so much fun chasing a ball around in the rain that they don't even CARE what the final score is... well, I'm not ashamed to admit that I damn near cried when she asked me that.
Even though I do have aspirations to climb the ranks and, at the very least, reach the national level of officiating (Albeit, I prefer to be an AR than a center ref just because I know for a fact that you are only as good as your ARs in a tough match), I make a point to ref one non-competitive youth match a week not for the "Easy money" but because that's what I call my "Sanity shift". The things I see between the kids who are out there to get some exercise, make friends, learn the art of sportsmanship and really, just have fun, is what keeps me going back to the pitch.
That being said, the irony is, in that rec league, the administrator is really just waiting for me to finally stop being so nice on the pitch and snap and start throwing cards around like candy and stomping on dissenters to shut them up because they know I'm the German. They're all Brits, by and large, with a few Eastern Euros in there for good measure, while the owner is Scottish. The Scottish Owner loves my "No Blood, no foul" approach to dives and cry babies, and as the German-Irish, they figure I will combine the natural ref-rage that we all experience with problem players with the ruthlessly cold-blooded German efficiency that will allow me to systematically destroy anyone who wants to challenge my authority by reading the riot act to them and throwing the book at them so long, hard and repeatedly that the clock will draw out like a knife and they will wish I would just card them off the field and put them out of their misery.
I don't though. I'm a prick. I make them suffer through it and give them that cold, icy "What the fuck are you gonna say or do about it, asshole, because I am just WAITING for you to raise your voice to me so I can destroy you" look that I do oh-so well that makes them feel so very, very small on the inside. They cry to the admins about me all the time, but the ref administrator knows that I could give a shit what any of them think of me, and that's why I'm their go-to ref for tournaments and heavy matches.
Sucks for me, though, because I get to ref all the whiners, divers, criers and cunts who play as dirty as possible, but hey, someone's gotta do it.
It's like that line in Black Hawk Down.
"How come I always gotta stay behind and guard the LZ?"
"Cuz you're dependable." <pause>
"Man, I hate being dependable."